You really coming over, don't trick.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize