I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize