Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
