She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
