I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
