and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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