Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize