why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
