"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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