Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I want is dick and wine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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