Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
