i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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