I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
