Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
