I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
