After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
