dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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