I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
