then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
