I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize