If that was your dad, he is hot
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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