Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
