Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
