are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
