Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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