Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so let's talk penis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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