Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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