Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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