Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
