he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
where does the pee come out of this thing
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
