We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
