just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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