When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize