is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
