Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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