Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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