If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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