Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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