I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
