Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
