I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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