OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
