it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I skipped work to stalk him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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