...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
