i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
