Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize