I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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