Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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