I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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