Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
