Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
