made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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