Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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