and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
