Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
