garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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