this beer tastes like vomit already
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
