doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
