sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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