Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
