i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
