Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize