Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
