So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
