Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
