She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
