he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
