On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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