Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
