So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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