dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
