Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
