she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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