If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
