Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
